Hitting Close to Home
Over 30 years ago, my best friend was in a domestic violence situation. I didn't know of her situation because she hid it very well from me. I always had a feeling something was wrong because of the bits and pieces she would share in a passing conversation but I was never really able to put my finger on it.
One day, her situation had gotten really bad. She finally came to me. She and her son were beaten up by her husband and she needed my help.
Of course!! Without a doubt or any hesitation, I was going to help my best friend.........or so I thought. The man of the house did not want to get involved. He wanted nothing to do with that situation and he felt we should stay out of it. It was their business and not for us to get involved.
She didn't want her family to know what was going on behind the closed doors of her home. She was too ashamed of the situation.
I was torn; keep peace in my house or help my best friend..... I needed to keep peace in my house, so I sent my friend, my best friend , on her way.... I felt free from a situation that I really knew nothing about but I knew at the moment she left, I had lost my friendship forever.
Days later, I tried to reach my best friend;............. I do not know where she is or what happened to her. I continue to look for her but never to have heard from her again.
That situation still bothers me to this day because I was not there for her. No one should ever have to make that decision. It stays with you forever. Since I was not there for her, I wanted to make certain others in need will have a place to go. Being there to answer that call for help is also vital. It is the most important thing as a friend or a loved one can do. It can be a dangerous and difficult step to take but my intent is to never miss answering the call for help again. Ever.......
"The Aspiration House" will be a transitional home for families of domestic violence. The goal is to open doors in 2018.
Will you help us reach this goal?
Domestic violence is very serious, families are torn apart because of it. If you suspect something is going on, usually there is. Know the signs!!!
To my best friend, I love you and I miss you!!
Copyright (c) 2016, 2017, 2018
- Domestic violence can take different forms, but its purpose is always the same: Abusers want to control their domestic partners through fear. They do this by abusing them physically, sexually, psychologically, verbally, and economically.
- *Domestic Violence does not only apply to women and children. Men are often abused by their partner.*
- Physical Abuse:Hitting, Slapping, Kicking, Choking, Pushing, Punching, Beating
- Verbal Abuse:Constant criticism, Mocking, Making humiliating remarks, Yelling, Swearing, Name-calling, Interrupting
- Sexual Abuse:Forcing sex on an unwilling partner; Demanding sexual acts that the victim does not want to perform; Degrading treatment
- Isolation: Making it hard for the victim to see friends and relatives, Monitoring phone calls, Reading mail, Controlling where the victim goes, Taking the victim’s car keys, Destroying the victim’s passport
- Coercion: Making the victim feel guilty, Sulking, Manipulating children and other family members; Always insisting on being right; Making up impossible rules and punishing the victim for breaking them
- Harassment: Following or stalking, Embarrassing the victim in public, Constantly checking up on the victim, Refusing to leave when asked
- Economic Control: Not paying bills, Refusing to give the victim money, Not letting the victim work, Interfering with the victim’s job; Prohibiting the victim from going to school; Not allowing the, victim to learn a job skill; Refusing to work and support the family.
- Abusing Trust: Lying, Breaking promises, Withholding important information, Being unfaithful, Being overly jealous, Not sharing domestic responsibilities
- Threats and Intimidation: Threatening to harm the victim, the children, family members and pets, using physical size to intimidate, Shouting, Keeping weapons and threatening to use them
- Emotional Withholding: Not expressing feelings, Not giving compliments, Not paying attention, Not respecting the victim’s feelings, rights and opinions, Not taking the victim’s concerns seriously.
- Destruction of Property: Destroying furniture, Punching walls, Throwing or breaking things, Abusing pets
- Self-Destructive Behaviors: Abusing drugs or alcohol, Threatening self-harm or suicide, Driving recklessly, Deliberately doing things that will cause trouble
Domestic Violence Hotline (24/7 PHONE SUPPORT)
1-800-799-SAFE (7233) Trained advocates are available to take your calls through this toll free, 24/7 hotline.